This is the article that changed my life. It was published in California Woman magazine almost a year ago. It opened the door to so much healing - I am eternally thankful to Cassie and Joanne for gently pushing me to submit it.

I woke up and practiced my “attitude of gratitude” prayer. It was my 40^th birthday – a day I never believed I would see.

I am a creative, professional woman, a business owner, a loving wife, step-mom, daughter, sister, aunt, and loyal friend…and I’m also a domestic violence survivor. 

Like a lot of wonderful people I know, I grew up in an alcoholic home. My parents divorced when I was young. I lacked confidence at a very early age and was terribly shy. I learned how to take care of everyone except myself and got really good at it. I was nicknamed the “mother hen” in class, at work, in life. 

Although I never had an addiction problem myself, I was drawn to people who did and they filled my life. My first three relationships were long term and abusive. I didn’t know what it was like to have healthy relationships. I didn’t know who I was or what I liked or what I wanted out of life. I isolated myself from my family and lived a very lonely, very scary existence.

My father had a nervous breakdown when I was 23 years old. I was the only relative allowed to visit him in the psych ward and I saw him at his very worst. Therapy was a huge part of his recovery and I went with him to show my support. I listened and learned and realized that maybe there was something to having a support group. Something changed in me during that period. A silent strength began to blossom. I checked out other groups besides the AA and ACA meetings I was attending with Dad. There were groups for battered women and counselors who worked on a sliding scale to help women like me. My boyfriend had no idea that I was going to therapy on my own. All he knew is I was spending more time with my Dad and he didn’t like it. My boyfriend continued to drink and use drugs. He apologized and brought me flowers after the really bad nights, but it was getting old. I finally got it that I couldn’t “fix” him.  When he started his gun and knife collection, I knew it was time to leave. If I didn’t, I surely would be dead.

I came home on my lunch break one day, packed as much as I could carry, and left my apartment. Yes, it was MY apartment. Everything was in my name. Another lesson learned. I was $25,000 in debt when I left, but I didn’t care. I was alive.

I moved back in with my Dad who was clean and sober now. I sought credit counseling and slowly paid off my debt. Once I started to take care of myself, the universe rewarded me with opportunities. I met the wonderful man I married and bought my first home. That was BIG. I never thought in a million years I could be married or own a home.

Over the next few years (with my husband gently pushing me), I took more risks. I learned how to make friends and keep them. I learned how to market myself. I joined several networking groups and met some fabulous women. I found mentors in groups like eWomen Network; women who were running their own businesses, what a concept! Every networking meeting, I felt stronger and more positive. I added life-coaching to my list of tools to further gain confidence. 

In July of last year I started working with my husband full-time, helping to grow our family transportation business. We work hard, support ourselves and set goals.

I told my Mom I was writing this article and she said, “Do you really want people to know about your personal problems?” I thought about it and almost didn’t submit the article. I’m definitely not a professional writer but I do have a story to tell. It is my hope that by sharing, someone who may be struggling will read this and hear my message; even though bad things happen to good people, the bigger and better things can happen too. You just have to open up and be ready to accept the gifts. I know that all of my life experiences have helped me become who I am, and for that, I am truly grateful. My forties are proving to be the best part of my journey thus far.

Tags: battered women, Domestic Violence, hope, survival